A reminder of February’s weather, a cruise through the repairs at the Middlewich breach – and up through a lock (video) #boating #narrowboat #England

Now that we’re in oh-my-gosh-the-clocks-have-gone-forward April, and half of the country is covered in snow again and we’re having multiple-vehicle pile-ups on the motorways because of the freezing conditions, here’s a reminder of the shirt-sleeve weather we had this past February…

This video was delayed by our oiking ourselves in for hull blacking, and by generally being in “not-spots” – areas of interwebnetting signal so poor that the mobile masts are all claiming social security – up until a couple of weeks ago.

In the video we pootle through the freshly-repaired Middlewich Breach – and very squeaky-neat and shiny it all looks too, something like £3,200,000 (ish) pounds later – and then up through Stanthorne Lock and onwards. Ten minutes or so to you, a little longer to the Cardinal and me…

The weather shown in the video is not “Photoshopped”, that is what England was like at the end of February, for about a week…

Forget “global warming”, let’s just go with “global weirding” instead.

The nonsense mentioned in the previous blog post in re 1and1 internet and their invoice for some three-and-a-half times what they specifically told me the bill would be? Sorted. Baby’s First (TOMY) Bank Account will be receiving a refund for the difference and thank you kindly I should think so too.

The nonsense mentioned in the previous blog post in re the Yorkshire Bank? I still haven’t called them back yet, I am letting them wait for the same period that they made me wait for a response of any kind from their “support” department. Then we’ll talk again.

I am juggling coal supplies at the moment. Because the overnight temperature is down to zero celsioids or “ruddy chilly” and below I am still getting through the old combustible dinosaur remains. However, I am burning the “emergency” supply, since the Cardinal et moi are moored close enough to easily-obtained supplies (at least, I hope that we are…), and because yonder fuel boat is due past again in a few days. I am trying to avoid having to house any surplus bags on the well-deck for the whole of summer (assuming that we get one). I does like the decks cleared for whatever we gets in the way of a summer.

Juggle juggle juggle.

Mr Stove being in his usual “end of season” strop I am more in danger of running out of kindling with which to encourage him back to life after his various “I won’t stay lit” and “I’ve suddenly burned through everything you fed me, what’s next?” episodes.

Other than this, in fact including this, there’s really little to no gossip at the moment. What could I possible tell you that would seem significant given that my country is staggering about the world stage at the moment in the lamest, most ham-laden am-dram nonsense of a death-after-two-thousand-magnificent-years scene?

Had I the transport (or the energy) this would be a fine time in which to visit the graves of England’s past kings and queens, statesmen and so forth. Cromwell’s grave is smoking very nicely, he is thought to be doing about two-thousand rpm down there, and the friction is giving him a sort of incandescent glow. Churchill appears, from the ground-radar, to be spinning on a lateral axis rather than a vertical one (relative to the human frame, head to toe via the centre of gravity – the wallet), and he’s scorched a disc of some 5′ 7″ diameter in the grounds of St Martin’s Church, Bladon. Henry VIII is the exception, we don’t think that he’s spinning in his grave. From the aroma the best theory is that he has just burst with apoplexy.

E.D.F. (Électricité de France S.A.) have apparently been in talks this afternoon with May and Corbyn, they intend to hook up our spinning National historical figures to dynamos, and to sell us the electricity thus produced at four francs twoppence ha’penny a unit plus E.U. VAT and Le Tax d’Anglais.

Apparently the only fliegen in the salbe is that Germany now owns all of our Historical Figures and any energy produced therefrom via spinning once morted.

Corbyn and May have put their not inconsiderable minds together and have decided that we’ll pay both France and Germany for the electricity produced, plus when it runs out they will get to keep the infrastructure.

Oh well. Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme Reich.

Time, I suppose, to get out the cauldron and the paddle and produce another curry, something to drive out the demons.

Right, I had best away and poke Mr Stove again to prepare him for tonight’s excursion down to Two of the Celsius. Must find my nose-cosy, too, j.i.c. he throws a hissy-fit at three of the morning o’clockery.

I hope that you enjoy the video.

Chin-chin for the mo.

Ian H., and Cardinal W.


  1. Thank you for showing a lovely tranquil trip is always good and calming whilst watching ones country sink into oblivion. I especially loved the special effects that put you running faster than a passing jogger and the spooky shadowman. I would definitely feel claustrophobic if I were to really be in the lock at the bottom! You must expend an awful lot of energy in the course of a day.

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  2. Was that figure on the video for the road in the billions or did mine eyes go out of focus at such an obscene figure? What are they going to do, pave it in tritanium … other than that a lovely peaceful way to spend a few minutes on a Thursday afternoon. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yep, 55.7 “billion” (I am old-fashioned, I still call them thousand millions, my billion being a million million, not a thousand million)! £55,700,000,000 or roughly $73,000,000,000 in ‘Merrycan dollary. This for a railway “improvement” for a line from Nowhere to Whocares. Most of the money will go in bribes, and to land-owners and to the politicians rich friends in the big construction companies. It is supposed to be a 250mph train line (getting people in a rush from Nowhere to Whocares!) but I’ll bet my share that speeds never get above 125mph. It’s just another nonsense.

      ‘…The government claims that once HS2 is complete, it will take 67 minutes to travel from London to Manchester, instead of the current 127, and the journey time from London to Glasgow will be reduced from 271 minutes to 220. …’ Big deal! As with everything else in this benighted country of mine, the real people don’t want it (and had no say on it), it’s only the politicians who seem keen…

      Something like 330 miles of railway track…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Always look forward to your tales of life on the high ripples, your words are endowed with the fragrance of stagnant waters encrusted with duckweed and tadpole jelly. Super, keep it up.

    Liked by 2 people

        1. Tis all part of my campaign of deliberate mis-information. Any website that demands my personal details is given a random collection of someone else’s details… the Canal Rozzer’s website thinks that I was born in 1908, YouGov polls hold SW1A 1AA as my postcode (they insisted that I must have one, so I gave them the postcode for the House of Commons), and a great many other websites think variously that I am Brian, a South African woman with ten children living in a Paris suburb on my Chilean Civil Service pension while I commute to work as an up-market prostitute in St Petersburg, or possibly a Welsh man living in Edinburgh while on the run from INTERPOL for using explosive devices on several Jam Factories and also coping with having been accidentally re-christened “Brenda” while being inducted into the Jeddi faith after a terrible road-accident in which I lost both ears… If my online trail has been used by anyone to build some sort of profile, well, I shall be adding colour and depth to their statistics! Only the bank have anything approaching the real me, for obvious reasons. 😉


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