Sunday, bloody Sunday #narrowboat #boating #swansareevil

The local swans have taken to waiting for me en mob whenever I leave the boat. We posture at one another and we hiss. You can lead a swan to water but you’re not allowed to tie a knot in its neck, Duct Tape its feet together and throw it into the canal. Sadly.

The Cardinal has moved, sort of. Right back where he was in the photograph above, but facing in das opposite direction. The winding hole that I just overshot the other day has been a tad lined with boats on both sides, disconveniently, but the two boats moored up ahead bogged off, leaving the canal there unhindered by human hand. It’s a bit deceptive, there looks to be enough room for a generous u-turn…

The camera angle tells not the truth, the Cardinal would have little difficulty stretching from moored boat to opposite bank, in spite of what this deceptive view implies.

…but in fact the canal is all of only about ten or fifteen feet wider than the Cardinal is long, and that’s not a lot when you’re manoeuvring summat damned near sixty foot long and wi’no brakes.

This view shows that more clearly.

A more realistic view and idea of the generous, but still insufficient to turn in, width of t’canal hereabouts.

So, instead of reversing to the winding hole I cruised us up a hundred and some yards to turn – losing the eager audience lining the official winding hole in the process – and ensuring that a beautiful, perfect, award-worthy three-point turn was had by all and witnessed by none.

Well, witnessed by a couple of anglers, but they don’t count (the worms are generally more cheerful than the anglers). Job done, anyway, and we’re facing in the direction that I think I will want to move in during the coming days. I now have the option of moving at dawn without having to show an angry propeller and a disconvenient backwash to the sleepy-head slug-a-beds moored hereabouts and otherwise in my way. In theory, anyway.

News? Well, there’s a little, yes. This fellow has taken to flashing all and sundry.

Look at me! I’m the Bat Symbol!

I’ve been flashed by better.

Do birds catch the breeze to dry their sweaty pits off? It’s been hot and humid enough of late for there to be need.

Talking of late, the late canal dog with his memorial has, I was very pleased to see, been treated to some fresh flowers. Someone is still hurting an awful lot. I wonder if anyone’s ever conducted a survey charting how many people would run into a burning building to save their dog versus running in to save the significant other?


The Phantom Crocheter of England has been at work on another one of those “abandoned” buildings that I mentioned in the previous post, this time the buildings where Middlewich Boat Thingies used to do business before reality caught up with them. What larks.


Unless, of course, I am (as usual) completely missing the point, and this is some sort of handicraft-enabled OAP version of QR code for the passing of secret messages…

‘Doris, I have the cocaine, bring two tubes of Ralgex to the mobility clinic next Thursday and it’s yours.’


That sort of thing. The police would never cotton on in a million years. Perhaps you really can pull the wool over the Constabulary eyes?

[My apologies.]

I can’t for the life of me decide whether the drop-in services at King’s Lock Chandlery have gone all open-air/French and as such wholly unusable by the passing English, or whether they are proudly exhibiting the very latest boat bog with heavy-duty macerator…

It takes a certain sangfroid and je ne regret rien style to use the new facilities at King’s Lock Chandlery. They shouted at me. Can you believe it, I’d barely got the breeze around my gusset than they shouted at me and chased me away. If they don’t want these things used then why install them at all?

Constipation dealt with at 4,000rpm, don’t forget to put the seat lid down again after use, and to wash your hands and stop the engine. Turbocharger option available for vegans.

What will they think of next?

I don’t know, I can’t even think, let alone consider what next. I seem to spend most of my life waiting for my brain (and attendant mojo) to join me in the daily fray.

Oh well. Th…th…that’s all, folks.

Evensong at six.


Ian H.


  1. You can change your mind regarding course. After all, one good turn deserves another.
    Using that blue thingy would really indicate flushed with success!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just been told my comment could not be posted. Why? It wasn’t rude. Here it is again.
    I’m grateful to Chris, The Story Reading Ape for reblogging an earlier post which allowed me to find your amusing blog.
    Secret crocheted messages. I like that idea.
    Reblogging on Dragons Rule OK.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry that it took a couple of attempts to comment – and thank you for persevering! Tis nothing that is under my control that foiled your first attempt though, perhaps a blip in the interwebnettings, or a hiccough at WordPress HQ?

      Many thanks for the re-blog, tis much appreciated. Chris’s website is indeed a veritable mine of information and interesting blog posts and leads to blogs – he works very at what he does and does it brilliantly. 🙂


  3. You do find some curious things on your travels. That us a rather colourful square and made by someone with talent at the art. I’m wondering if perhaps you were close with the sign of something – somewhere for homeless wanderers to shelter perhaps? Im betting that’s a canine lavatory installment from the dog bowl in the background; perhaps a covenience for the dog emptiers? Not sure about R2-D2’s brother guarding it t though could be quite shocking it turned itself on (so to speak!)

    Liked by 1 person

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