Weather’s here, wish we were lovely #narrowboat #boating #boatsthattweet

FG decided to mow the field next to me at 05:30hrs yesterday morning. It took him the best part of two hours. Cunningly, I was – as is usual these days – already up and about. Let’s assume that FG knew this, as the slightest observation would attest such to be the case, and that he was happy to be disturbing no-one in his necessary farming endeavours.

I, on the other hand, was disturbing the ducks. If only these silly chaps had realised that they have no need to scoot and scatter if tis I tottering along. They might have finsihed the lie-in that they were obviously agreed upon.

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Ducks on the Middlewich Branch, England. © Ian Hutson 2020.

The light yesterday morning was a curious beast, the sun was in evidence and yet there were clouds and a spot of mist.

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FG mowing alongside the Middlewich Branch, England. © Ian Hutson 2020.

The day quickly spoilt itself and became uber-hot and as merciless as the Emperor Ming.

Ugh.

Today’s forecast is for dullth and cooler temperatures for a day or three. I would guess that among the bovine masses trudging and cycling back and forth on the towpath I alone am happy to hear that.

Most of my species appears to be self-basting. Most of my species appears to be cerebrally outclassed by the butterflies and the mayflies in the cow-parsley. Most of my species appears to possess the charm of Sir Les Patterson.

Hope and pray, if prayer be your wont, that it never falls to me to offer the thumbs up or thumbs down of the Roman Emperor, in re the fate of the collective Human Animal.

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Cardinal Wolsey moored, Middlewich Branch, England. © Ian Hutson 2020.

No, finish us all off, Gladys. Um – gladiator – finish us all off please, gladiator.

Send word to bring back the real dinosaurs. They had charm, by comparison. They were fun, by comparison. They were civilised.

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Swan, Middlewich Branch, England. © Ian Hutson 2020.

This swan has a redeeming quality (swans qua swans usually do not).

This swan has taken to bullying the unpleasant and bullying goose that is resident in the nearby marina. Doesn’t matter how big of a bastard you may think that you are, there’s always one bigger not too far away.

Tee hee. My my, how sad, never mind. [Giggles and wonders why everyone regards schadenfreude in the same light that they regard eugenics, as some sort of “bad” or “shameful” thing, when neither is either, when done properly and under my personal control.]

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Boat. Middlwich Branch, England. © Ian Hutson 2020.

Ms Duck of Ducklings-The-Elder (just two left now from an original ten and a very recent three) presented herself and her offspring while I was sat sitting sittingly on my gunwale, watching FG mow, went to mow a meadow (one man but no dog). She listened to and understood my brief explanation that, having watched her offspring drowning two-day-old ducklings for no good reason, there would be no more sunflower seeds forthcoming from me from now until eternity.

As then requested, Ms Duck and Ducklings-The-Elder then sodded off.

If only my species were as suggestible.

If only my species were as digestible.

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The towpath, Middlewich Branch, England. © Ian Hutson 2020.

By the time FG had finished with his mowing, went to mow a meadow, one man, not two men, not three men, and no dog, went to mow a meadow, the light was rather harsh, and the flies beginning to rise. I retreated, as is my part, into the comforts of the Cardinal.

Thanks entirely to the efforts of the Canal Company executive and their “come and exercise on our wholly deserted towpath network” advertising campaign (I kid you not), tis closed up on landward side and to fore and to aft for me, blinds down on the sunny canal side. Extractor fans on – maximum. That too is my part, since I have no other way of avoiding Parry’s Exercising Babes.

There is a species of canal boater that is almost entirely nocturnal. They scoot along in the dark dead of night and moor in the unlikeliest of places.

Praise be to this pandemic where praise is due; I now know why so.

understand.

Navigation by the pale light of the Moon. Outdoors, while the species lies a-bed in its stained and torn winceyette nightgown, releasing the noxious vapours of the human arse, and trying to decide how far in the thumb must be in order to regulate the release of aforesaid vapours of the human arse.

Peace and love.

Whatever.

Seriously.

Hope all is well with you all, and that you are keeping on keeping on.

Be safe, don’t forget to change the water in the dog’s bowl, and do, please, keep a weather eye on the orientation of my thumb…

If I am not actively regulating personal colonic gases with it then it may be that the gods are asking me for my judgement on the species…

😉

Chin-chin.

Ian H.

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Cardinal Wolsey in semi-industrial setting, Middlewich Branch, Venetian, Cholmondeston. © Ian Hutson 2020.
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Yeah, who cares? It’s crows, innit.

10 Comments

  1. Love those crisp early morning shots you get of a misty moisty morn and the swan picture could almost be an oil painting, your art is exceptional. Nuff said.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Well, if nothing else you certainly got some amazing photos!
    The one thing I hate about the warmer weather is the behaviour of many of my city dwellers – especially those on bikes – they are the bane of my existence! They want, want want – but somehow the rules – of the road and the sidewalks never apply to them. I have been told off, sworn at, and been told that the rules don’t apply to them as they are on 2 wheels not 4 and therefore not adding to pollution so they are just so much better than anyone else. The fact that I am a senior on 2 feet (with a cane) doesn’t seem to even register with some of these idiots. At least our winters keep those sods indoors!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Something does seem to happen to people when they mount a velocipede – same process as when folk get in a car. They assume “machinery” equals “priority” when in my book it’s the exact opposite. Oftentimes I have been walking on the towpath and some twerp on a bicycle has hoofed up at speed shouting ‘coming through’… my reply is to stay exactly where I am and reply ‘standing still’… I can be very large and very wide and very stubborn when required!

      It’s how I make friends and influence people… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I thought that first picture was of snow. It snowed just a bit north of my location. In the 2nd week of May. I think the snow was Mother Nature was showing her Schadenfreude at watching us all wither under her whim of a virus. A small smug smile on our collective misery.

    I must say that, although you are in an awkward place for social distancing – you are in a gorgeous spot. Which is, I suppose, also why it’s an awkward spot for social distancing. Everyone wants to enjoy it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There are much worse places to be under house (boat) arrest! My real gripe is the Canal Company who have been – indeed still are – actively (paying for) advertising encouraging all and sundry to come down to the canals “for their health”!!! While totally disregarding my health, and that of the other 10,000 folk who live on boats on inland waters…

      The weather here has changed totally – from my least-favourite uber-hot yesterday to nice and cool and wet today – damned stove is lit again! I had to venture outside specially to put the chimney back on!

      Liked by 1 person

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