Face-coverings or a £100 fine

Being a model subject of Her Majesty QEII I have a varied selection of anti-fine apparatus. I have el cheapoid disposables right through to el stitched-by-my-tailor with replaceable filters, and now I have … the shemagh. I am currently watching lots of U-Bend videos about how best to wear the thing.

Remember the olden days (six months ago) when covering your face was virtually illegal because it confused Yonder Government’s facial-recognition systems? Now we’re all being ordered on pain of impoverishment and/or extreme social herd disapprobation to look like either escapees from some dodgy research laboratory or else like suicide bombers and/or proponents of some medieval “religion”. Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme insanity.

You’ve got to giggle, even if only because the alternative plays havoc with your Texas Chainsaw Mascara and confuses the budgie.

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I call this one “Attempt Number One”
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No idea why but this one seems to beg the name “The Queen Mother”
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“Almost There”
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Ah – PERFECT!
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Now, just to anglicise perfection, gild the lily so to speak…
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It’s just a step to the left… and a step to the ri-i-i-ii-ight… Igor, fetch me the jar labelled “Brains”.
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Hatstand is not happy in his mask. I fear that the fit may be less than optimum.

There’s been surprisingly little boat traffic on the canal today. I think that perhaps the ominous-looking clouds may have kept folk in their fleapits. We’ve had a slack handful of what are euphemistically termed “historic” boats through – mostly cheerful, one with two world-class miseries on the stern.

Various hire boats are moving, but then they have to, having set themselves targets for the week or fortnight. Two “Canaltime” boats past thus far today, behaving like pillocks. Why is it that if you’re looking for a boat to behave anti-socially or idiotically then (IMHO) a Canaltime boat is your very best bet? It can only be the (lack of) pre-hire instruction.

Not that some of the private boats can’t match ’em on occasion.

Three or four “yogurt pots” past, including one with very nice vintage styling.

They’ve all been greeted from the Cardinal’s side hatch by me, testing out one of my methods of wearing a shemagh.

Two screams and a full genuflection have been the reactions so far.

There’s space on the “visitor” moorings near me yet. No idea why…

Ooh… here comes the rain. That ought to dampen proceedings, damn it.

It’s uncharacteristically unkind of me, I know, but I am beginning to embrace the (now) self-evident fact that most of the species looks vastly better with some sort of face-covering.

Concrete, perhaps, in a lot of cases.

Oh well, back it is then to watching U-Bend videos and trying some more variations on how to wear my shemagh.

Chin-chin, Ian H., &etc.

11 Comments

  1. I used to have 2 shemaghs, years ago.They were the best head-wraps in a London winter. And the red one, in particular, was rather snazzy as a sort of shawl over my black coat. A friend was asked/told by a bloke at the bank to remove her riding cap..A pony club riding cap!
    Mostly, I don’t much care what people wear, though I do have an instinctive dislike of uniforms. And I can do without seeing what Stephen Fry called “the Dagenham Smile.”
    You are right, of course, about our need to read faces.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Talking to someone with masks on is a tad akin to watching television with the screen blanked out and the sound muted. I do – now – seriously wonder if this isn’t most of the point, and why we’re being asked to wear them (the official line that they slow down our exhalations and reduce the travel of snotlets, thus protecting others is thin gruel at best).

      We live in an age that elegance has forgotten about, masks are just the final carbuncle on the nose. 😉 Gentlemen generally seem to dress in the manner of fiscally-disadvantaged trans-Atlantic children earning pennies advertising large corporations on their chests and backs, ladies seem mostly to have adopted inappropriately skin-tight, minimalist and horridly scanty as some sort of statement. I don’t yearn for the days of starched collars and bustles, but surely there must be some sort of comfortable compromise that doesn’t make us all look as though we dressed hurriedly in the dark while the Red Cross camp burned!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The shemagh, glasses and cap combination looks the best to me – gives several confusing cultural messages in one, while neatly concealing the identity of the person uttering heresy on the subject of face coverings.
    I went to the bank last week…seizing the chance of it actually being open instead of being closed by reason of virus. I have a mask in the car – somewhat mucky as it keeps dropping on the floor and being trodden on – so donned that, approached the door and after being shot by the electronic thermometer and having gel dumped on my hands was asked to remove the mask so that the security camera could see me….and then to put it on again in order to get inside only to be gelled again as I had touched my mask while outside…

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Whether this is all real or not, however any virus may be spread, I do wonder if H.M. Government might not have done better – and had more fun – by telling us that dancing a small jig with one trouser leg rolled up whenever we come into view of a stranger would defeat transmission. Perhaps the simultaneous recitation of a recommended verse or two too (tutu, Toto?) – “virus virus go away this is not my sicky day, bingetty bangetty boing be gone” – to the tune of Crimond, or some such. I suspect that the take-up percentage would be a lot higher than with masks. The “new normal” is anything but.

      Liked by 2 people

        1. You’ve got me wondering too.

          I absolutely abhor the burka and mightily dislike and disapprove of all of the other sterile uniform items from clerical dog-collar to bishop’s mitre and even monkish sandal. My reasoning is that we’ve spent the best (or worst) part of sixty thousand years developing a face for sophisticated and nuanced communication (and body-language, something that is also masked, quite literally, by whatever those full-body black tent coverings are called). We lose so much when they’re covered, have so much less of a chance of sensible, civilised communication. Which is what are why I’ll be in situations where a mask (or a summons and a hundred pound note) must be worn, as little as possible!

          I suspect though that most folk actually don’t think anything at all… 😉

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Yes, you see the uniform, not the person and, I particularly dislike seeing women wearing their winding sheets before they are dead – as if in some way they have ceased to be a person.
            Already I note the lack of interaction when the masks are imposed as they are here in enclosed places and I strongly object to be obliged to wear one – especially as they are useless.

            Liked by 1 person

  3. Loving the green, it goes so well with your eyes. I worry about banks and building societies, how do they know who is holding the place up these days? Times were when it was easy to differentiate between borrowers and burglars, or is that robbers? Hey ho! I have enough scarves to throttle half of the Midlands and a box of Amazon reccomended best buy face masks. Silly really ‘cos I ain’t going nowhere! You could become a trendsetter or a red setter or something. Don’t get your scarf caught in any passing spokes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do like green, perhaps two-thirds of my wardrobe is green. Confusingly for others, since I am a bloke and detest shopping in esp shopping for clothes, only about five or six different garments… but all in multiples (when I decide on summat I buy a slack handful).

      To mask or not to mask, that is the question – which I answer by wearing them where required so as not to incur what would, for my income, be an outrageously large fine, and/or to prevent the inevitable negihbourhood snitches causing problems for my favourite businesses.

      Never in my wildest, early-career dreams did I imagine that I’d be -encouraged- to enter a bank with a face-mask on! The time I could have saved in my youth. No, seriously, I did a lot of time in my youth because a mask makes one’s intentions so obvious… 😉

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