Chased up the Shroppie by a Purple Lunatic

The luna… erm, nb Snowgoose… was at anchor on the Venetian Hire Boats & Chandlery services when the Cardinal and I hove up to the lock landings. He adjusted his pince nez, shook a little fist at me and shouted ‘your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries’ and then something about filching (I think he said ‘filching’) some diesel and two shots of Redex.

Phomatograph courtesy of nb Snowgoose, Venetian Chandlery & environs.

Naturally, I offered to duff him up – um, I mean to work him up through the lock, but apparently he’d made prior arrangements with a local peasant who was heavily in his debt following a weekend Strip-Dominoes Tournament. Aforesaid peasant was kind enough to limber up for the task by working the Cardinal up through the lock, thank’ee most gratefully. šŸ˜‰

Wikipedia photograph of Generic but really quite clean Peasant locking up Cardinal Wolsey.

Naturally I offered the chap a substantial tip.

I told him never to squander a double-six unless you’re within three moves of the end of the game and/or you’re wearing two pairs of socks.

Caution was thrown to the wind (and it was relatively breezy) and we exited the lock to not some little G-forces concomitant with high accelerations, the better to distance ourself from the Purple Person. A well-trimmed narrowboat will do 0-3mph in under five seconds.

The 0-60mph test was begun in 1926, and is still underway.

Anyway, I digress. We’ve encruisinated again, as you will have gathered. Eight miles and a smidge this time, two locks (wandunforme thank’ee) and the veritable Full Service at Calveley, returning to a comestibles drop at our favourite comestibles drop point, this rather surprisingly being listed as ‘Comestibles Drop Point’ in my Bradshaw’s Canals and Navigable Rivers of England & Wales.

Naturally, I was just untying the ropes to move when Canal Company Ltd parachuted in a “spotter” to log me and mine. Quite where he’d come from at that time on a Monday morning I could not say. I’m semi-serious about his having been dropped by pashamarute. The Canal Company Ltd aren’t any more fond of dissenting voices than are the “government”, and tend to “oh, just routine” them to death on occasion. I routinely have an inordinate number of occasions, rarely to my benefit.

Departing from our moorings near Aqueduct Marina. The Canal Company Ltd sent someone along to weep, wave a white handkerchief, and to throw paper streamers from the quayside as the tugs manoeuvred us out. The band played ‘For Those In Peril-on-the-Sea’. Peril-on-the-Sea is a small fishing village near Grimsby.

The it of it all was a tad more breezy than one might have wished for, but t’was a pleasant cruise-ette for all that. Not too cold, and just the one spot of rain. I mean a shower, that is, not a single raindrop.

Barbridge Junction from the Middlewich, with binary options presented, these being north or south.

There were a couple of clowns (out of circus uniform) moored slap bang in the middle of the wharf at Calveley, but we dropped hints by edging the Cardinal in on their stern button, his r-send hanging temporariliment substantially over the private moorings. Once they’d finished powdering their noses or whatever it was that they were doing, I edged the Cardinal up to the bollards-of-choice.

Cardinal Wolsey 508533 Calveley Services 28/02/2022

During our stay in the Far East (nr Aqueduct Marina) we took advantage of a mild snap (that’s like a cold snap but in reverse) to tickle Stove and Flue.

Stove flue before – not bad, really.
Stove flue after – after, that is, the attentions of my boat-hook, my wire brush having disintegrated.

Mr Stove was asked to open wide and say ‘Aaaaargle aargh’ for removal and checking of flame-trap and fire-bricks. You just can’t buy fun like this you know.

Also as part of the re-positioning plan, Messrs Fuel Boat BARGUS went over and above, out and about of their duty, coming past the junction to deliverate coal and kindling to me, and then reversing back onto their route. Thank’ee Jason most kindly, tis much appreciated. šŸ™‚

The Under-Secretary for Bloody Silly Situations asked me to ensure that I had sufficient sockpiles (sic) for England’s powder stations (sic). I think that he may have kissed Diane “Croatia” Abbott MP.

Ten bags ought to see the country through March.

The Purple Lunatic? His boat-brakes failed, and he sailed involuntarily through the staircase at Bunbury, while the Cardinal and I did our customary “sod that for a game of tin soldiers” volte face at the winding hole. He’ll be somewhere off the coast of Iceland* about now. He generally is.

NB., other supermarkets are available, mention here does not endorse implyment.

That’s been it really, and quite enough it’s been.

None of these photographs above are available in my Fine Art America shop (as prints, canvas prints, mugs and even jigsaw puzzles) but many other such are. I am thinking though of perhaps uploading the images of the stove flue, before and after.

Chin-chin chaps.

Do please keep on keeping on (if only to irk and provoke ire), and whatever else you do, please ditch the bloody televisions and stop soaking up what the gubbermunt is ordering the mainstream “media” to tell you. Use that throbbing grey-pink blancmange between your ears.

The good news is that by dint of my VPN and setting my “location” to Mexico City I can still have my customery customary morning read of Russia Today and Sputnik News – as part of my wider and cynical sampling, averaging, and kernel-extraction of the utter b*ll*cks that we’re being fed.


IGH., of Ugh.


      1. The weather was rubbish today so walked it – was full anyway. And I’m the only boat moored by Cow Lane !!

        Liked by 2 people

    1. There was a small but eager flotilla of boats passing me, all shouting that they’d fled Chester because you’d arrived… I told them not to be so silly, and that you were quite safe provided that no-one fed you after midnight. šŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  1. If we all just fought the rich, the corrupt, the powerful and the despotic rather than fighting countries, flags and ideologies, the world might be a better place. Probably not, but it sounds quite intelligent and wise so I’m sticking with it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It sounds very wise indeed, and I endorse the sentiment wholeheartedly. I would love nothing more than that each and every peasant – the ones cooking, cleaning, driving and generally doing for these idiotic creatures suddenly chop them in the throat and follow up with a blunt object. If only that might be co-ordinated then the world would improve mightily in ten seconds flat, even if only for a while, just until the next amoral brood came along. It’s a lovely thought, but it’ll never happen – baaaaa baaaa!

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Your flue looked wonderful after your administration. I’m sure Mr Stove appreciates being able to breathe better.


Comments are closed.